The Utah Jazz ended the 2013-14 NBA season tied with the Boston Celtics for the fourth-worst record and promptly got lucky in a 50/50 coin toss to take sole possession of a few extra ping pong ball combinations for the 2014 NBA Draft Lottery to be held May 20th.
The Jazz actually have better odds of falling back to fifth than moving up into the top three.
They have a greater chance at landing 5th (35.1%), 6th (16%), 3rd (13.3%), 2nd (12.6%) or 1st (11.9%) than staying at 4th (9.9%).
Clearly the Jazz require a good luck charm of some sort or another to really cement justification for such a lousy season, one where allegations of tanking were rampant.
Last season Utah Jazz president Randy Rigby asked fans to submit lucky charms that he could take to the drawing with him, ultimately deciding on a lucky Green River fly fishing grasshopper that he got from his fishing buddy. That particular cast into the pools of fate apparently got snagged on a Tamarisk because the Jazz stayed put in the draw. So, sorry, fishermen, no more baiting.
Two of the last three seasons the Cleveland Cavaliers have leapfrogged unlucky folks in the lottery drawing to win it all like some kind of King Kong of Powerball, a feat largely attributed to Cavs owner Dan Gilbert’s son Nick representing the franchise. Young Nick is a good story.
Nick was born with a rare disease called neurofibromatosis, which is a nerve disorder that causes tumors to randomly grow anywhere on the body. He’s battled chemotherapy, and he’s lost vision in one eye.
No word on which Hogwarts house young mister Gilbert landed in, but he seems to be a powerful budding warlock nevertheless. Sadly, his powers don’t seem extend to influencing Cleveland’s GM on who to take in the actual draft itself. But hopefully the Jazz can secure his supply of Felix Felicis, also called “Liquid Luck,” this May.
Should such a discrete venture fail, who should represent the Utah franchise to maximize their chances of moving up and maybe even winning the lottery? I asked Twitter to help.
@Clintonite33 Me. Cause I’ve wanted them to rebuild for years and this is finally the payoff. =)
— Jay Eh Ess Oh En (@JasonForTheLove) May 5, 2014
Dan, former Spanish announcer for the Utah Jazz who moved back east recently, is organizing a tweetup for the draft itself, if you’re in the area or so inclined to fly out for it. He’s a great dude to hang out with, so I recommend his company for any basketball function. Get at him on Twitter, he tells me you can wreck his pad…
— Sam (@Gobberslob) May 5, 2014
— Huu Tran (@huutransuperman) May 5, 2014
Y’know, on second thought, that could be a 7th grade Jody yearbook pic…
@Clintonite33 If not Gail, then Trey Burke. Something about Burke’s confident demeanor tells me he’ll be lucky. Just no Rigby.
— Chris Cullen (@The_One_CC) May 5, 2014
@Clintonite33 Jimmer! Because… Jimmer!
— Jake Hypes (@JakeHypes9_BYU) May 5, 2014
I’m giving you Jody Genessy stinkface right now, Jake.
@Clintonite33 can we do a Pistol Pete hologram?
— ElLoboSolitario (@Bluemoon_76) May 5, 2014
Now we’re talkin’! “Help me, Pistol Pete Maravich, you’re my only hope.” Okay, apologies. Dammit, May the 4th must still be on the brain.
Here’s a couple more:
• Eric Maynor’s mom, ’cause the pick’s mother “ain’t not never gonna have to work no mo’!” Wait, that might be too negative for even Jazz Twitter bloggers. Still, it takes a gift to drop a quadruple negative
• Trey Burke’s parents, ’cause how lucky are we to have them and their son? And if the Jazz fall back or fail to move up in the lottery they can rub off their mojo on the Jazz trading up in the draft
• Andrei Kirilenko, ’cause has there ever been a luckier Jazz player?! Got rich and an annual “free pass” from wife Masha. The dude just oozes good luck
• Karl Malone, ’cause he’ll bring the burgers, and who wouldn’t want some bear burgers?
Who do you think should represent the Utah Jazz in the 2014 NBA Draft Lottery and why? Get at us in the comments or on Twitter or Facebook.